When I first heard about this paper my excitement was immediately turned off, especially because I couldn't find a topic. I didn't want to do something too common (because reading the same thing multiple times would annoy anyone, so yes I took you into consideration Logan) or something too hard to explain. I somehow ended up with desire, and after some reviewing (with help from the proposal feedback) and condensing became how desire affected Voldemort.  At first I thought this was going to be fairly simple, I just needed to find some article that says desire is bad and here's what it can do to you and BOOM I have my paper. Let's just say that it REALLY didn't go as planned, but I'm glad it didn't. 

 

I started doing the research for this paper as soon as I knew what I was researching. We had done an activity in class where people would volunteer their topics and then we would brainstorm examples and key terms. I did this with my sister (white board and all) and it made the process of researching a little earsier because I knew exactly what I was looking for. When it came time to actually do the research I started by opening a lot of different articles that I thought could be relevant and my teacher had recommended a few names to look into specifically, that I also focused on. I came out of this with 10-15 different tabs to look through and I was feeling really good with myself because I didn't wait till the draft was due to start (even though I did wait until the night before to write). My original thoughts were that I would use Lacan's theory about lack to explain how desire can do damage and therefore should be surpressed, but that changed when I read an article about this intelligent fellow, Deleuze. The only thing I understood was that he said desire was positive and can be socially productive. At first this was just going to be a contrasting point but my teacher recommended that I use his views instead (and that's where the fun began).

 

Writing the first draft was somewhat difficult because I couldn't understand everything that Deleuze was trying to say. I understood a few points here and there but I really wanted a better understanding. I ended up writing the little that I understood as well as Lacan's theories and my introduction, a lot of my sources didn't make it into my first draft.  After the workshop in class I realized that my introduction was missing a thorough explanation of the concept I was researching (which is desire). I also had to expand on all the points made in my introduction because they weren’t clear enough and didn’t fully explain what I intended to do with the research. Also I realized that I had addressed my sources by name of the article, not just author. Even though my first concept explanation was clear (Lacan), the one I intended to use (Deleuze) needed more development, which I knew. I needed to add research focusing my topic and making it more specific to Voldemort’s situation (which would be the desire for power). The workshop in class also showed me that I had to make sure that all my sentences made sense and were related to the research I was doing and therefore helped to advance my argument. I had a lot of work to do and still had to figure out what Deleuze was saying.

 

For the second draft I felt like I was losing to Deleuze and was thinking I would just use the little that I knew especially because my teacher said it was okay not to understand everything. A part of me wasn't content with the little that I had and thus I ended up borrowing a book written by Delueze and Guatarri. This book blew my mind. Even though it did take a lot of reading, rereading, talking to myself and critical thinking, eventually my brain started to work and I knew exactly what he was trying to say, it wasn't that complex after all and it just amazed me (and still does). I revised my paper with all the realizations I made after the first draft in class workshop, by mainly modifying my introduction and adding research about power. I finished writing the draft the night before it was due but I did start editing a little here and there before that. So I was getting over the procrastination in small ways. The feedback I got from my teacher was minimal, make sure to add information about Dumbledore not just Voldemort to make my points more valid and a few other little things but otherwise "I was doing really good work" (Bearden). 

 

My final draft changed drastically from the 2nd one. (I chose not to include my third and fouth drafts because they were similar to the final just with less additions.) The more I understood about Delueze the more I added as well as an analysis and conclusion. The feedback I recieced that went into this paper came mostly from my teacher through comments (after grading) and a conference. Even though I do enjoy peer reviews they don't help me very much and I ended up disregarding most of the feedback I recieved, which was adding Voldemort to my research, because it wasn't necessary. However my partner did make a good point about explaining desiring production, which made that part of my paper more understandable. This paper really shows how I was able to use research, evidence and examples to prove a central argument. At first I thought it was repetitive typing close to the same thing after every paragraph but I later learnt that it was necessary. By restating your argument it shows the reader how the evidence they just read relates and proves what you're arguing and therefore by doing so makes your argument more valid and the reader is more likely to believe it. I was also able to do the same thing with my "so what" statement, tracing it through the paper and showing why it's important. 

 

This paper taught me how to perform proper research, making my sources talk to each other and then analyzing, and also gave me a few personal techniques. One of them is that I treat my analysis like a mathematical proof. For this paper Desire=Destruction but of course I had to add other equations like Power=/<Harmfuls Effects  (which means power can be equal to harmful effects or less than it i.e good effects, it makes sense to me), Harmeul Effects=Harming Others and Desire+Specific type=Productive and so on. By making it a proof it became a process to prove my major point by going through a series of steps which is what we do in math when we prove an equation. (I hope that all made sense.) 

 

This paper (through my topic) also taught me things about culture that blew my mind. I've always thought about desire as something bad and that should be surpressed but Deleuze really changed that. He made me realize that this simple quality that comes with being human can literally change the world. It has happened and is still happening. Thinking about it, it really makes sense and it's really simple but you wouldn't think to consider it as anything other than things you want. People will always make the argument that you shouldn't want but only go for what you need, but it's not like that. Desire is amazing but you have to know how to use it and even if you misuse it, it still produces things that are negatively amazing. (If that makes sense.) 

 

I'm so glad that I decided not to consider Lacan's theory because, is it truely a psychic concept that I can't take seriously. It cant be proved but rather you just have to believe that's what happening. The basis of his theory does make sense however if you think about it in a, I don't have something so I want this, type of way, but I prefer to be productive and use my desire to save the environment in a useful, socially productive way.